I was ready to go “home”.
I wasn’t depressed. I just didn’t get it-
Why was I here? What was the purpose?
I was so completely disconnected from my essence and purpose that I truly felt purposeless. I’d had enough. I was tired of the struggle. I was tired of the fight. I really wanted to go home. It had been a brilliant day- the perfect summer day with friends. As the sun started it’s decent, I was walking along the shore, listening to my music and it occurred to me, I could go home. Right then. I got pretty giddy. I remember walking back up to the house, setting my ipod on the table and walking back to the ocean. I walked passed a couple on the beach and just kept walking. My focus was on going out on an up note- at least for me. I remember going under and just letting go.
There’s a beautiful song by Florence and the Machines that captures this perfectly. In case you wondered.
I was obviously not allowed to go home that day, but part of me died out there in the ocean. I had begun an archetypal journey that required surrender. The part of me that had played so small for so long couldn’t co-exist with the essence of me any longer. My journey was to return home within me.
I had to learn how to first see the illusions I had created and then dissolve them.
I had to see all the ways my inner child had chosen to play small in order to feel safe, accepted, and loved. I had to see how I self-sabotaged in order to maintain that perception of safety, love and acceptance. I had to get real with the part of me who victimized this smallness – “why is this happening?!” And I had to see the part of myself that sold out on behalf of that child’s desires. Was it easy? HELL NO!! Not even kinda sorta maybe. Every part of me that had created the illusion fights with the essence for survival. Still. Even after all these years.
But here’s what’s different. Now I know when my archetypes are playing in their shadows. Now I know what to do when I become aware. Now I know how to surrender the ego long enough to ask, “Is that true?” about whatever bullshit the shadows may be bringing up for me and pivot to what is true.
Here’s the most amazing part. I am discovering love in a way I only thought was mythical before, the stuff you read about and think, “Nice story.” And, I might add, this love isn’t just with my sweetheart. This love is happening with total strangers and with people I haven’t really liked for some time. Things are shifting. I feel safe enough to reveal more and more of my gifts and speak my Truth.
That is why it is so important to me to teach this class on the core archetypes. You may say, “that’s not for me” or “not right now, the timing isn’t right”, but I beg to differ.
Robert Ohotto is an amazing archetypal astrologer. He shared recently what is happening in this first quarter of 2015. We are in the PERFECT time to journey into the shadows, be with those pieces of you that are disconnected and playing small, feel what you feel, and experience the alchemy of making the impossible possible. In other words, all the doubt, fear, not enoughness, unworthiness can be transformed into pure love.
We are all being called to love the unlovable. You no longer have to live in the victim. You no longer have to self-sabotage. You know longer have to doubt that purpose. It is time to live your soul contracts. The part of you that needs to die, is ready to die, it’s time. It’s time to start living fully.
Here’s the deal. Rather you come to this class over the next 6 weeks or not, there are two archetypal planets going through a retrograde- Leo and Aquarius- and you will go through the shadows. You have a choice on if you want to intentionally engage them with guidance in a community of like minded people or on your own.
I want YOU in this class. If you have EVER shared a yoga practice with me, if you’ve ever gone through a Fit Club with me, if you’ve ever gone through a workshop or read my writings, I want YOU in the class. You can get $100 off for the next 48 hours. Use the code “grace”. Go here. Share it with a friend. This is the work that will shift the world.
If you’re ready to show up and step into your dreams, see and be seen for who you truly are, and drop all those shadow emotions, then you won’t want to miss this! We kick off thursday. For some of you, you’ll wanna go even deeper and that’s why there is a VIP session. Yes, that’s $100 off, too (but only those reading this know that) with “grace” as the code. Go here.
Now, I won’t lie. There are still days I wish I hadn’t been brought out of the ocean. The illusion I created and the sacred contracts I have made are quite heavy at times. In the moments I am heavy, I lean in heavily to my Truth and surrender again…and again…and again. And I know why this surrender keeps needing to reoccur. I’ll share that knowing in the class, too.