When saying “yes” shuts you down

What happens when you say “yes” to showing up? I’m not even talking about showing up fully. When you decide to start the business or get more training for what you’re being called by your heart to do.

First and foremost, you have to address all the ways you have said no to yourself in the past. All the ways you played small or toned down your brilliance in order to be accepted, safe, or loved. This doesn’t show up in obvious ways. If it did, you’d probably ignore it or try to run from it. It shows up as a resistance- procrastination, fear, and doubt- the three siblings of the self-sabotage family.

It shows up when we go looking outside of ourselves for knowledge, wisdom advice to the question, “Yeah, but how?” Too scared to show up fully, we hide behind the perception of what we think others want us to be in order to feel safe, accepted, or loved.

I discovered this when I took Marie Forleo’s B-school. This is an excellent training for how to operate a successful online business. I took it, as I have learned many others have, to learn the skills necessary to be successful virtually in a business that could be done anywhere. Location independent. In other words, free from the confines of any particular geographic location.
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I thought I knew what I wanted to do and why. Turns out, I was wrong. By saying yes to this training, I was saying yes to my growth and that meant I had to get really honest with myself. I had to face all the ways I had hidden my gifts, all the ways I’d played small to fit in, feel loved and safe. I stumble, fell, got up and repeated the process over and over again.

The best part of B-school is the community. I reached out for help. I tried to fit in molds. I was accused to be predatory as a result. Finally, I surrendered. In a moment of desperation, I asked Spirit how I could show up as me, fully, and feel safe, accepted, and loved. I was told by Spirit (for about the hundredth time) to be my Yoga. That is my medicine and that would be the bridge to live my purpose of helping people be whole.

That was when I discovered the 5 limitations that we humans created as part of our spiritual growth. They are the ways we contract in on ourselves, our own little rabbit holes, that we must figure out how to expand out of through unconditional love. I don’t know anyone who hasn’t played with at least a few of these limitations.

Limited ability or capacity. This most often shows up as “I can’t”. At the roots, it is more about being afraid of being judged or made fun of, so we choose to shrink and hide. The truth of the matter is not that we are incapable, rather we’re unwilling because we are afraid. The solution is to know that everyone will fail. It takes risk to learn. Remember when you learned to walk? You fell down a lot. Sometimes it hurt. But the desire to walk far outweighed the pain. Think big. Start Small. Act now. Each step we take will prove that when we stand fully in our greatness, we will receive the support and acceptance necessary to keep moving forward. If we aren’t receiving that, practice courageous honesty- am I really showing up fully or am I still holding back?
Limited knowledge. This is that “I don’t know enough” that drives us to keep learning before we start showing up and doing. At the roots is a need for approval to feel safe, accepted, or loved. The truth of the matter is we’re really afraid that if we get it wrong, we will be shunned. That’s some scary stuff right there! The solution is figuring out who is doing what you want to do well? What can you learn from them? Or who can you bring in to compliment my strengths (creating a team)? Celebrate the moments of successful learning. You don’t have to know everything. You just have to be a few steps ahead of the crowd to start leading. The fraud police will try to mess with you with messages of , Who are you to be doing this? You don’t know enough.” Thank them for trying to protect you and then let it go. Show up anyway.

Limited time. This one is interesting because it shows up in two ways- “I don’t have enough time” and pulling the hurt of the past through the present and into the future, “If I do this, then ___ will happen and I don’t want to feel that way again!” We create time as an excuse. The roots of this limitation is fear of being hurt. The truth of the matter is the hurt in the past is driving expectations for the future. The solution is acceptance of what is. Every choice we have made and every experience we have had ultimately drives us to the place to choosing to love unconditionally or not. If we are willing to accept the past as the past, we can come fully into the present and know that each and every moment of now is all we have and what we choose now will direct the next moments. Stop bringing the past into the future, bypassing the present. Repeat to yourself, “I am here now.” And be courageously honest with yourself about how you are using your time.

Attachment/desire. This shows up in the grasping to desired outcomes. At the roots is separation from Source and forgetting one’s own Truth (that we are Divine, infinite beings). The truth of the matter is that happiness, peace, and joy are not exterior and cannot be attained. They are our birthright. They are already in us if we are willing to live them. The solution is the discipline of silence. Seek beauty and remember it is a reflection of the Divine within all beings. Ask your guides to help you remember your birthright. They will.

Scarcity. This shows up as “I am not ___ enough/ I don’t have ___ enough.” At the roots, we forget that we are already perfect. We are always being taken care of, even when we create the scenarios of “lost everything”, there is always some grace that supports us. The truth of the matter is we are perfect as is. We have what we need. The solution is through gratitude and loving yourself. The part of us desiring love, acceptance, and safety needs to be able to trust ourselves to provide for ourselves. Start to evaluate whose voice you’re really hearing when this limitation arises. If you look at that person, where were/are they projecting their own desire to be safe, love, and accepted? Listen to your own voice and see where it takes you once you surrender the old voice of doubt and criticism.

I have developed Core daily disciplines to help myself and my clients transform their limitations into strengths.
1. Ask yourself, “How do I want to show up and be in a relationship with …. today? From this point forward?” It could be a relationship with yourself, someone else, money, career, Spirit, health.
2. Where do you want to say, “Oh, f*ck it!”? What would happen if you did- what is the best possible and worst case scenario? When we are willing to simply surrender the old beliefs, space is created for new expanded was of living.
3. What’s the payoff for doing nothing? There is always a payoff. If we are willing to get really courageously honest with ourselves on this, we may discover we have stayed stuck to get the care, attention, love, support and safety from someone else and shirked responsibility for providing for ourselves. Each time we show up for ourselves, we build self-trust and confidence. As those strengthen, we stand more firmly rooted into our authenticity. This allows more goodness and abundance to flow to and through us.

I am thrilled with skills I learned from Ms. Forleo’s program. I am transformed by the lessons in self-inquiry I had to face as a result of saying “yes” to me. That has allowed me to show up in her community and help others who have faced the same challenges from saying “yes” to themselves. It’s nice to know you’re not alone and there are others who are going through a similar transformation. Just remember to keep taking inspired action steps forward and getting stuck will be more like a pitstop than a pitfall.

I want to know what you’re struggling with and what you discovered in your self-reflection. Leave a comment below.