Resisting

It’s cloudy. Again. But the daffodils are blooming, so I have hope. All day I have felt low. Even getting in my garden and playing a bit only marginally calmed the discord. It’s nothing major, just a low grade funk I can’t seem to shake.

As I folded clothes this morning, I remember my mentors assignment to draw a card for myself daily and explore what the shadow’s message is. I stopped and went to my cards. I’d originally planned on using the goddess deck but then paused and selected the angel deck instead. I drew Uriel on gratitude. Oh. Yes, the shadow aspect around gratitude. Selfishness, greed, expectations, attachment. Nope, I know nothing of those. Okay, maybe I do. Maybe a lot.

I struggled after that to be motivated. I stalked the Facebook. Decided to explore The Desire Map community because the energy is lighter there. I landed on a post that drove everything home. The person said they were relieved to discover they weren’t about making a lot of money anymore and had shifted to being more present doing the things they love with the people they love. It hit me like a ton of bricks. My funk was fear- fear of being ignored, rejected, even shunned.

I launched a new membership site, have been offering the full moon readings, have yoga classes starting next week, and am hosting a yoga workshop next weekend. Honestly, it’s too much going on. I know that. Yet, it’s just how it has come together. And at the core, I want them all to succeed. I want to make some money…NOW.

Further, I want to be doing the “important” work and I can’t seem to get there. I don’t know why. So I look at this shadow message around gratitude and I have to wonder if  my expectations and attachments  hold me back?

My soul has been longing for some things for a long, long time and I have resisted. That makes me feel like a hypocrite. I am the one who encourage everyone to follow their heart. But I have to say, my awareness of this longing is catching me by surprise about like the bulbs and plants finally peaking up from the ground after a long, cold winter. Some I recognize and welcome, others I have to wait and see what, if anything, they will become. That is a bit frustrating for me. I want to know so I can start taking action.

The thing is, I have come to know all the action in the world won’t change anything until I am willing to accept the pieces of me that have been in hiding back into my being. I have to be willing to let them be seen. That’s part of the purpose behind the card readings and membership site. I am allowing that part of me to be seen publicly. I won’t lie, it’s a little scary and certainly brings up lots of fear and doubt to be loved.

So I want to challenge you to take some time this weekend and listen closely to what your heart IS longing for.  If money were no object, what would be different in your life? Are there ways to incorporate that now? Leave a comment. Let’s get some dialog going on this!