We are our own worst enemies; often subconsciously sabotaging ourselves along the path to what we truly desire- be that a goal or a dream. Dr. Gay Hendricks calls this an “upper limit” problem where we hit our threshold of perceived capacity or joy and subconsciously manifest an obstacle to prevent us from exiting out comfort zone. We’ve all done it. Picked a fight after having a wonderful time with someone we love, started worrying for no reason, got sick the day before a big presentation. There’s many ways these upper limit problems show up.
Reframing our thoughts is one solution to helping expand your comfort zone and remove the subconscious sabotage.
Step two in Fear Setting is to look at the benefits of going for your goal or dream. Take out a pen and paper and think about what would happen if you went for that goal or dream and had even some success. Write it all down. What would change? Would some success be better than none?
Now take that a step further. What would change if you achieved it with great success? This can start to bring up the real fear that we often don’t think about. Such as the ways we play small to make those around us bound by their own fear not feel small. Or being “too big for our britches” as I heard growing up.
If you were raised hearing negative statements about people who are successful, you are absolutely going to have to reframe what you think of successful people. I highly recommend finding examples of successful people that serve as contrast to those limiting beliefs. For example, many successful people were not given their success as a family right; they worked hard, they give back, they are caring.
Finally, who do you need to be now in order to be successful? What thoughts need to be replaced to be more aligned with success? Who do you need in your like to support you, hold you accountable, mentor you? Once you achieve success, who will you be? What kind of person do you want to be? Can you start acting that way now?
I find having an affirmation to write daily in the morning and before bed helps set the tone for me to live in the reframe. Pick the qualities best aligned with who you want to be and add them to this template:
“I am flourishing in mind, body, spirit, relationships, and finances. I am a shining example of (add qualities here) to family, friends, and community.”
Pay attention to the words you use. They are powerful. Begin to shift them to better words, more aligned so you can reach that goal or dream.