Overgiving

On more than one occasion, I have listened to students and clients lamenting about how they give so much don’t get the desired outcome. They feel drained, discouraged and resentful. The conversation usually goes something like this:

“I don’t understand it. I put everything I have into this. I give and give and give. You’d think after all this time and energy I’d be better off, but I’m not. In fact, I feel worse. I’m tired, frustrated, mad! Why isn’t it working? What’s wrong with me?”

I can so relate to their frustration! For those of us who seek validation, acceptance, and love outside of ourselves, it’s so easy to overcompensate and become overextended. At a deeper level, there is often a belief around not being good enough and/or worthy of what they are most desiring. There’s two major problems here, both of which start within.

It’s like there is a crack in the well of the heart and it’s run dry. Though desperately wanting the well filled, it cannot contain what is put in it. Even when the crack is fixed, before the well can provide, the pump has to be primed.

The crack is in the belief system. One of the joys of being human is to experience the contrast to our inner Light. Unfortunately, the pain of that contrast can be so great that limiting thoughts and beliefs are manifest as a way to protect against the pain in the future. Instead of being hurt by someone else, we limit ourselves.

As simplistic as it may seem, shifting a limiting belief on worth is as simply as choosing different. In the moment, it may be had to see and evidence to the contrary because your mind has trained you to seek validation for your belief. Sometimes it helps to imagine what it would feel like if you did believe you are enough. Then, every day, find a mirror, look yourself in the eyes, and say, “I believe I am worthy because…” and find one thing to validate you’re worthy. Eventually, you’ll have enough evidence to shift your belief.

When you are willing to look at the painful challenges in your life and notice how you feel in the situation, you can explore how you actually want to feel. That is where priming the pump comes into play. If you want to feel joy, what would it take to shift into a sense of joy? It doesn’t have to be a huge leap, something as simple as remembering something joyful and shift the energy!

Experiment with those two exercises for a week. Notice every day how you are feeling and what, if anything, changes. If you’re willing to share, I would love to hear about your experiment. Leave a comment below, please. I read and respond to all of them!

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