The fog is heavy. I think it’s fog. But then again, it seems to be from above instead of the ground, so perhaps they are clouds. Slowly enveloping more, softening the harder edges of the tree lines into invisibility. It is a new moon in Gemini. Appropriate weather to welcome it in. Sun (Light) obscured by gray (Shadow), blending brilliance into dullness. Even my motivation is dulled this morning.
Aparigraha- non-attachment, non-coveting, non-possessiveness- is weighing heavily on my, much like the dense, cloudy, fog on the trees. I am but a small piece of this Divine puzzle, the Supreme Being. Yet, just like my body has different parts, no two the same, I feel the uniqueness creating a paradox. I am here to experience this finite place uniquely. Still, I find myself longing for something more, something different, something I “should” have. Why “should” we, though? Who says? “Winner takes all,” that’s who. The losers get nothing but the experience and is that really enough?
Success. Who defines it? Perhaps it is simply being able to be my fullest self. That would be extraordinary to live infinitely within the interesting confines of this reality of finite. What is in my heart? What’s in yours? Are we willing to go there and set that free if it in unconventional and maybe even hard to understand fully because of the confines we have been playing in?
Just now, the light shifted. Looking up, I see the cloud/fog retreat. The beautiful trees once again exposed in their uniqueness. They don’t judge one another. Often they help each other out. My friend Margie and I walked through those trees last week. I pointed one out and she said, “It was tired!” She pointed out how the old ones were leaning on the younger ones. I see her projection of her own life and I wonder if we’re willing to lean once we’re old and who will support us?
The light shifted again. Darker now, like my mood brooding over these nagging questions pulling me into a contraction. Darkness and light playing together to make me dig in my soul for the wisdom residing there. It takes courage to follow our hearts longing. To play there requires crossing a bridge. We can see the other side (kinda) but the bridge is scary. What happens if I’m wrong? What happens if I fail? What happens if I change my mind? And so it goes, deeper into the contraction of smallness, paralyzing me to stay where I am and try to ignore the call. We attach to the outcomes that haven’t even come out yet because we never stepped foot onto the bridge.
What would it take to step on that bridge? Am I willing to be judged in order to live? Are you? Shit. “I don’t know how!” Nor do I. All I know is I have some questions granted to me and perhaps through those answers, if we practice courageous honesty, we’ll lift the fog a little more and find the motivation to pick up one foot and put it on the bridge.
Am I where I want to be?
If no, where do I want to be?
What’s it look and feel like?
Who is there? What are the qualities of those who are?
In the fullest expression of my hearts deepest longing, if I could imagine myself there in one specific moment of time, how does it feel? Why did my heart choose that?
What is your biggest fear in receiving this?
What would happen if you never experienced it?
What is one thing you could do immediately to take one step closer?
It takes guts for sure. That’s why I do what I do for people, guiding them across the bridge. If you’re there and yelling, “I don’t know how!” then let’s talk! If you’re willing to answer the questions, I’d love to see what you discover. Leave a comment below.