I had two very long conversations with a dear friend recently about shifting focus from “what I don’t want” to “what I really want.” Wisdom has taught me, sometimes we need the unwanted experiences enough times to get to the desired experiences. Sometimes it’s really tough to say what we want, even as we know with absolute clarity what we don’t want.
We sometimes experience things that are so painful that we decide we don’t want to feel that way again. I totally get it. makes sense. Yet, what we resist will persist. Denying feelings is resistance. The exact same situation may not repeat, but similar enough experience will repeat until we finally sit with the feeling, observe, explore with child-like curiosity and wonder, and figure out what we do want to feel.
Getting from don’t want to do want does require some exploration. There are two questions that can bring clarity:
- What am I grateful for?
- What’s not working?
As you explore these two simple, yet challenging questions, you begin to open up the flow of energy. You want to expand more of the feelings associated with the things for which you are grateful. You want to look at what’s not working and figure out how to shift to bring more of those feels associate with the gratitude.
Here is a really super simple personal example. I spent four days in Phoenix in February. Flip flops, walking, sitting on patios, bicycling, great conversations that were open, honest, real, and deeply engaging. I was abundantly grateful every second during those four days. I feel light, love, audacious, sensuous, and completely pukka. I returned to Vermont to over a foot of snow to shovel, a part time job that I no longer enjoyed, and a house that is far too big. I felt heavy, small, dark, silenced, miserable, and alone. I sat down and figured out what exactly needed to shift in order for me to be happy. I made it through the remainder of the week in a much lighter, more positive energy. (sunshine helped, too!)
Clarity is necessary for change. It’s not enough to know what you don’t want. You need to know what you do want and take inspired action.
I know it’s not always easy. I am a master at perspective shift and clarity connection. Let’s talk if you need some help! Leave a comment below after you explore the two questions. I’d love to know what you want and what you’re ready to shift. I’ll hold you in support!